Why the MLB Hot Stove means nothing

Imagine you have a job to perform a certain task and then at the end of the week after working long, grueling hours, you are told thanks but we are just gonna throw it in the trash. Here is why I bring up this example....

Carl Crawford was signed by the Boston Copycat Sox to a whopping 7 year $142 million deal. I say copycat because Yankees were the first to be major A-holes in the league and steal talent and now the Red Sox just took the page right out of their playbook. Can't wait to hear the Sox fans complain about the Yankees offer to Cliff Lee for over $140 million (which history shows they will)

The thing that bothers me is that you can spend the day trying to follow these meetings but I feel I know more than the reporters that are there. Which inside source said that Crawford was going to the Angels? or the Yankees? or the Nationals (wait that was for Jayson Werth and they gave him same money as Crawford)?

These hot stove reports are just stupid fillers for a league that is in its off-season yet still stands to make money. Everyone would be perfectly happy with waiting patiently for the final report at the end of the week that says the weekly signings. Tell me which you think is better:

Today the following big signings were completed:

Jayson Werth to Nationals
Adrian Gonzalez to Red Sox
Carl Crawford to Red Sox
Adam Dunn to White Sox
JJ Putz to Diamondbacks (more on this in next post)
Carlos Pena to Cubs

-OR-

1PM: Carl Crawford met with Brian Cashman and thinks he has gorgeous eyes

1:14PM: Carlos Pena says Crawford wants to go to LA

1:30PM: Florida Marlins offer Crawford 10 year $15 million for sh*ts and giggles

2:01PM: Yankees offer Derek Jeters actual contract to Crawford after realizing that money can actually get a player like Carl Crawford. But he has a clause that requires him to babysit Jeter while he bitches about it.

4:00PM: Peter Gammons reports exclusively that Carl Crawford was seen with Nolan Ryan but likely asked him where the meeting room was. Still there is a strong chance this is indication that Crawford wants to go to Texas.

4:59PM: Boston Red Sox officially sign Carl Crawford to 7 year $141 million deal

I prefer the first but then again, that means we would have to hear about Brett Favre all day so there is some sports coverage. Just wish there would be more accurate reports than simply saying the Yankees, Red Sox, Angels, Mets, and Rangers are interested in a player...I want my news to be unexpected! I want to say "Wow thanks Peter Gammons it took a true courageous effort to dig out that story!"


On the note of Red Sox and Yankees spending, people always wonder what it is like to be a Yankees fan. I have come up with the example no other writer has ever come up with that perfectly describes the feeling of "buying" a top tier team. This kinda thing reminds me of the first time I get Madden 2000. They had this feature where you can draft your team and if you still didnt have enough superstars, any trade would be accepted so the Marshall Faulk for Rick Mirer would be considered fair and you are left with a team that can beat the Pro Bowl roster. Everyone has done it in the past and the question is "Did you ever feel silly when you went 16-0, winning by college football like margins, and won the Super Bowl?" The answer is no it actually felt great and amazing to be able to simulate your game and know the box score would be stacked. This is what its like to be a Yankees fan but in real life.

So the Sox have: Pedroia, Ellsbury, Jewkillis, Gonzalez, Crawford in their lineup which is top stuff. It will be interesting to see them make a run at the division now that they Rays are going to be out of the picture until 6 years from now when they have a roster full of #1 draft picks being paid $500K again.

In other news nobody but ESPN cares about....

In LeBron like fashion (minus the charity and actual audience who give a crap), Brett Favre gave a conference earlier today on ESPN about G-d knows what (couldn't they just show the usual 1990's weightlifting challenges?)

Yahoo! Brett Favre uncertain status

Apparently, people in the media are curious to see if Favre is going to play this week or if he is going to lose his consecutive games played streak 3 games short of 300.  Let me save you the time and efforts of setting this up and answer for ol' Brett. OF COURSE HE IS GOING TO PLAY! Thats like pitching a perfect game into the 9th inning and coming out with 2 outs because your arm feels like its going to fall off. Nobody comes out they just pitch the ball at 30 MPH or hope you trip and fall on your arm where it heals incorrectly and helps you throw 100MPH "Rookie of the Year" style and hope my some miracle it works out...which is what Favre has been doing all year.


He has gotten so many injuries he makes Greg Oden look healthy. But he would'nt come off the field then and certainly won't now. Here is the comedy that was this press conference:

A reporter asked Brett if the streak is on his mind when it comes to playing or not this week. Brett said "No its not the only streak on my mind is our 2 game winning streal (Pause) 2 game winning streak! The $18 million a year QB is proud of beating the Redskins and Bills! People complain about Jeters $15million a year look at this guy! At least Jeter knows he has to hit better than .270 but Favre is bragging about beating 2 sub .500 teams in one of the most disappointing seasons of his career! Plus, Favre had NOTHING to do with the win over the Bills because he was busy in the locker room getting a massage on his shoulder! If Tavaris Jackson can beat the Bills, it is NOT an accomplishment!

What should really bother NFL fans is that the follow up question asked the same thing in a little different way to make sure Brett understood that they are trying to insult him by asking if hes a selfish prick and he wasn't biting. He claims hes isn't a selfish player and if he can't help the team, he will come out because he is all about the team. Ha yeah and the Jets female employee texted you her penis picture first! Please Favre! You are the epitome of selfish. You give Lebron a run for his money on most selfish person. You get coaches fired, demand your own luxury suite in the locker room, and haven't shown up to training camp in 4 years because you are too hurt or havent decided if you want to come back yet. Which of course you always end doing in the end!

If you noticed, the final play that Favre got injured on was pretty much the beginning of the game. Good enough for a start on the streak, bad enough to have Tavaris Jackson have to single handedly keep the "streak" going!

I think I have made my point clear and if anyone wants to bet money that Favre won't play. Please leave a comment and how much money you will be donating to my bank account.

GOLDEN LINE: "Interim coach Leslie Frazier says the streak will not factor into the decision."
Leslie Frazier would like to think hes making a decision but as we saw with Childress, he has much to say as a groom does about the wedding flower arrangements. Favre already confirmed its his call if the doctors give the OK. Good luck being the doctor to tell Brett Favre the streak is over because I say so!

Breaking News: Yankees interested in big name players!

ESPN is exclusively reporting that Yankees have an interest in both Cliff Lee and Carl Crawford. If you aren't as excited as I am its probably because you are a common baseball fan and your common sense tells you this in fact is not breaking news. Good job give yourself 1 point and something to put on your resume if you apply to ESPN as a writer.

I have my own breaking news, this site called WikiLeaks is letting out confidential information about governments! No? So if I cant get away with it how come the idiots at ESPN can?

The kicker to this breaking story is the ending to it..."the most likely scenario would be for the Yankees to trade Granderson or Swisher to make room for Crawford and move Gardner to CF. However, 2 sources close to Crawford told ESPNLA.com that they expect the OF to eventually sign with the Angels"

Say the first thing that comes to mind when reading that gem...."WTF"?!? I wonder about the editor asking his reporter to get him something really juicy and secret so everyone knows nobody screws with ESPN. Reporter comes back after a hards day of work and says "I GOT IT...YANKEES WANT LEE!" Holy crap you just blew the lid right off the winter meetings cap my man, expect a promotion in the near future.

Wow sounds like there is an east coast/west coast battle of the ESPNs! NY says Yankees going after Crawford and LA saying its pretty much done with the Angels. So let me figure this out for you if you are likely confused. Yankees most likely scenario is if they unlikely get Crawford. Other rumor is that if Yankees can trade for Joe Mauer, they will likely move Posada to DH. I am no insider but I am pretty sure that the statement I just made was accurate, seriously who wouldnt want Mauer and of course he'd shove posada aside like Wilfork did to the Jets O-Line (yes im still not over it)

The amazing part about all this is that the article explains how the Yankees are making room for 2 big names in their payroll. How the hell are they doing that? I didn't see anybody dropped from the roster and no big salary got traded so please enlighten me ESPN as to how they actually cut the payroll down to afford $40 million a year in salary.

THAT would be breaking news!

Article that pisses me off: Yahoo! Lebron Hater

Kelly Dwyer writes for Yahoo! (http://sports.yahoo.com/nba/blog/ball_dont_lie/post/LeBron-s-football-follies-Favre-comparison-hec?urn=nba-292733) and had this to say about Lebron James after he was quoted saying "Brett (had) great years here in Green Bay, and any time a great competitor like that leaves, no one wants to see that, but they've done a great job of regrouping with Aaron Rodgers and I believe that Cleveland will do the same"

She, (or he but likely a girl with the amount of estrogen in the article), rips on Lebron for comparing himself to the situation with Favre becayse look at how bad it is turning out so badly for him. Yeah Lebron if you do leave your team you are gonna get caught sending pictures of your penis to cheerleaders. Seriously, i think that is the only thing that has gone bad for Favre since he left Green Bay. He has better weather, gets paids as a top 5 QB every year, gets to miss training camp and keep his starting job and still does crappy Wrangler jeans commercials where he is throwing passes to wide open players (avoids embarrassing commercial where he throws a pick as if anyone actually plays football in jeans!) She says his marketing sucks and pretty much the same crap we have been hearing since he took his talents to Chris Bosh's bedroom. The point Lebron was making wasnt that Favre made the right move in leaving, its that Green Bay recovered and now have a SB contender with Aaron Rodgers....and he is 10000% correct! Is she actually retarted?!? I agree what Lebron did was petty and childish...but Cleveland did the same childish acts after and I hate Cleveland even more than Lebron now and heres why....


Cleveland fans cant get over Lebron "promising" a title and wont leave until he gets one. Heres a reality bit for Cleveland, YOU CANT GUARANTEE A GOD DAMN TITLE! Otherwise, the betting line in Vegas would be screwed up and everyone would put their money on Lebron. Am I the only sensible one in the whole freakin USA to figure out that he says that to keep their hopes up? Granted I live in NY where we hear that for decades at a time but we never ACTUALLY hold our athletes to it. Otherwise, NY would be demanding Patrick Ewing to drop the viagra and come back to finish what he promised. While at it, make a contract clause that says if you make a promise you have to keep it unless you had your fingers crossed at the time which means you werent serious. What is this bullcrap the media is feeding?

Think over the last decade or so of players in the NBA who left for better teams whether financially, geographically, or simply because thats where the players baby momma lives and if your paying child support, may as well see the kid once in awhile (See Dwayne Wade almost in Chicago) Heres a list of big names who didnt win a title the fans thought they would:

1. Amare Stoudamire- Now a Knick was with a talented group in Phoenix but left for $100 million deal from NY plus the fact he just learned Steve Nash was Canadian and that could bother just about anyone! REACTION: Phoenix is one of the whitest communities so they are probably mistaking Hakeem Warrick for him and havent noticed hes gone. No sign of jersey burning or commercial parodies yet!
2. Shaq O'Neal- Ok so he won a title...a couple. But it wasnt for a homeless city like Cleveland (Never been there but I picture just a projects like setting of refrigerator boxes and garbage can fires to keep millions warm). However this is LA and as we know LA people, they are spoiled brats when it comes to titles and are the only city that truly expects a title every single year. Shaq left for opposite reason of Lebron....he ran away from talent. Which makes me wonder in hindsight: If we rip Lebron for going to talent, should we praise O'Neal for leaving it? Probably not because Shaq seems like a prick but definitely a nice 2 second thought. The Lakers went 34-48 when Shaq took his talents to South Beach in a less homosexual way and even though he brought a title to Miami 2 years later, Lakers fans never felt the need to burn his jersey or call him a traitor. Yes they were pissed but anytime you lose a 7 footer who can actually keep his knees intact is gonna sting. They got over it and won titles again and get to continually watch white players racially dance to rap music at the podium.
3. Darko Milicic- WAIT DONT CLOSE OUT MY BLOG LET ME EXPLAIN! So even though he is the Ryan Leaf of the NBA, Detroit has enough ruthless people to make this guys life a living hell. Eminem could have written a rap song that made the entire country sing songs about how much Darko sucks. Here are the guys who made the Darko sandwich in the NBA Draft 2003. 1. Lebron 2. Darko 3. Anthony (Not the old schmuck Greg, Carmelo) 4. Bosh 5. Wade. Hmmm who doesnt belong in this group? I am almost certain Darko made some promise during workouts to the Pistons that he will work hard to get bigger and stronger and be the next great European big man since...(awkward silence). Darko is still a skinny toothpick on the court and the only thing he can say is that hes gonna make the teams that passed up on him pay for doing just that. LOOK OUT CLEVELAND YOU GOT A DATE WITH THE TWOLVES THE DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS! The most amazing stat that i just came up with so maybe i shouldnt call it amazing for egotistical purposes is that of the teams that drafted this frat group, the Pistons and Heat have won a title since. So technically Darko kept his promise...crap sorry Darko for ripping you it was totally unwarranted.
4. Quick List of all stars who left or wanted out: Steve Nash, Stephon Marbury, Jason Kidd, Shawn Marion, Jason Richardson,Pau Gasol, Larry Johnson, Alonzo Mourning, Soon to be Blake Griffin, Tracy McGrady, Vince Carter, Ray Allen, Baron Davis, Jeff Van Gundy, and Allen Iverson (if he makes it to Turkey practice squad is he gonna rant about how we aint talking about a meeting we talking about actual scrimmage....gotta take this shi* seriously man!) 
5. Chris Bosh- Ironically, Bosh kinda did the same douche move in leaving his original team for Miami but nobody gave a crap because it screwed over Canada. Seriously, what does Chris Bosh think when he sits at the conference table with the other 2 and see that 5 people in Toronto caused a disturbance "rioting" against him? In my mind, theres an ego battle that went on and over dinner James smacks talk to Bosh like Rangers fans do to Islanders fans at midseason every year. Something like....                             

James: "so they shot another video about how I ruined their lives and burned some more jerseys while chanting Traitor in Cleveland because I hurt them so bad. Freakin awesome! What did they do for you in Toronto Chris?"

Bosh: "you know usual crazy crap these Canadians do to show how pissed off they are, played some ice hockey in their kitchens to cool off some steam from being so damn mad at me. They are just really pissed I am scared to go there because they are just SOOO pissed at me man. Just madness...and stuff"

James: "Wow that sounds....ugh...good for you man!"

Wade: "Yo Lebron can I talk to you away from you know who for a minute"

My head can be so screwed up some times and this likely wouldnt happen with such graceful language so if you know of any underground rap, just switch some appropriate quotes from the song of choice and insert it in above and you have a more accurate setting.

Back to my point, 5 months later and Yahoo! professionals (and every other media outlet) are still writing about how Lebron is a child. Thank you Kelly Dwyers for saying what everyone else is saying and lacking the ability to make an original, coherent thought. Go write about how you think Brett Favre should just retire already! If Cleveland can just step out of their boxes for one second and see that the main point is this LEBRON IS LOVING THIS! Keep mourning, booing, crying, fasting, yelping, and beating your wives in frustration and you will feed the ego. If I took down an entire city, granted its Cleveland but a city is a city, I would be pretty damn proud of myself. Nowadays, that what every little 9 year old dreams about, one day building up a city and taking it down all by myself! That is power!

Final though to Cleveland: We dont forget- your Cavs tanked the 02-03 season (nobody can lose 66 games with Dajuan Wagner and Ricky Davis!) to get the best shot at the #1 pick with your homeboy Lebron so lesson learned that karma is a big bitch!

(Editors Note Update: Kelly Dwyers is a guy!)

Jeter gets what he wants and still holds a grudge

Ok so Derek Jeter has Minka Kelly for a wife and is richer than half of MLB owners. So why is he still upset? According to ESPN, Jeter was angry at how things went down while negotiating his new $51 million contract. On behalf of the Yankees, let me apologize to Jeter that the Yankees actually gave a little bit of a hard time before handing over $50 million. Giving a 37 year old Jeter that much money is like giving Supermodel Heidi Klum top dollar....when she is 80! At some point, you gotta just be graceful and adapt to the surroundings. Yankees love Jeter and wanted him but Jeter wanted more simply off of past factors...nothing for the future. When you get fans feeling sympathetic for the owners, same owner who didnt get sympathy after giving Arod $251 million more than they should, then you know you are probably wrong.

At least when A-rod got his money thanks to superagent Scott Boras, he shutup and went through what every mega million athelete does: get divorced and start dating other really hot girls. But Jeter decided that instead of saying that hes glad this is behind him and cant wait to prove he is worth the $100,000 per an AB, he complains again. For these reasons, sometimes I just wish Jeter was more like Mets SS Jose Reyes in that he doesnt speak a word of english so hes quiet all the time.  

List of thing that pissed me off Monday Night

Instead of  the classic list of things I may want for the holidays, I'd rather just vent about the Jets-Patriots debacle. Please bare with me through this time!

1. Steve Weatherford- your punt was so bad that the first thing the announcers said was "I wonder who that hit" Nope just a really crappy kick!
2. Rex Ryan- Besides what I wrote about the Challenge Flag Mistake, Ryan never adjusted the gameplan in a never ending chess match against Belicheck. This chess match was more like one of those where your friend who is really good says to you "lets just play casual" and then does the 5 move checkmate on you and hits you over the head with the board while telling you how much you suck. Belicheck did that to Ryan and when he shook his hand after the game, I thought he'd take that 500 page playbook and smack Rex right over the head saying "you suck"! In a 24-3, tell your damn QB to take a shot downfield! Why make Holmes run 30 yards routes if Sanchez is gonna check down to LT!?!? It was cold last night and making Holmes run down and back every down for no reason probably pissed him off too...I know I would be! Maybe more Schottys fault but you are the coach, inspire the former Trojan!
3. On the defensive end, Jets sacked Brady at one point to force 3rd and 22 from midfield. Instead of bringing pressure again, Jets bring a 3 man rush and Brady calmly hit Branch for an 18 yard gain to setup 4th and short, where Pats converted the first down by scoring on slant to Branch. 
4. Eric Smith- Not only did he have position on a TE down the sideline, but turned to see that the ball was well underthrown. What did he do? He turns back and shoves Hernandez to the ground right in front of the ref as if he is thinking "If I do this and get cut like Woodhead, the Patriots will pick me up for helping them out. Jim Leonard is better on a one leg! (Ed. Note: On the TD to Branch, Smith was supposed to show blitz and back off into the slot but was too slow which lead to Brady having room to throw the ball)
5. Commentators (Mike Tirico)- How many times do I have to see a bad pass thrown by Sanchez and then hear "Should have been caught"?!?! The 3rd down rollout play to Braylon was by his knees and a foot away from him. Instead of explaining how the play is designed for a perfect pass (like a later slant to holmes on 4th and 3) the blame is on Edwards for not making a tough catch! Earlier, Sanchez threw a ball to LT with two men on him in a check down that almost got picked and once again LT should have caught it. Edwards had another ball on 3rd down thrown to him where he turned right at the marker and waited for the ball to hit him square in the #'s. The throw was to his right so he had to turn toward the safety who knocked the ball out. Whos fault? Edwards fault! I'll have whatever Sanchez is having because as long as he screws up nobody is gonna blame him....sounds good to me!
6. I have never stopped watching a Jets game in the middle due to anger and fear of throwing my laptop into the TV to end the misery. I can get over that but what pissed me off more was that I was more intrigued to watch the Knicks-TWolves on my little laptop then the Jets-Pats MNF on a 60 inch screen. If you think I am pissed about the Knicks actually being fun to watch this year, first time since Van Gundy grabbed Alonzo Mournings leg (see video below), you damn straight im pissed!
7. Finally, the #1 thing that pissed me off was the coverage of Meredith's death last night. Everyone has been waiting for MNF to finally come, bars are packed, fans are drunk, text messages of athletes junk is put on hold, all to watch the epic battle. As everyone tunes in closely for what inspiring words are gonna be said to pump  up each team and the game, Chris Berman comes on and gives a monotonous speech about the mourning for the death of some ex-QB and MNF announcer Meredith. Way to suck the air out of the room ESPN! Listen I hate death as much as the next sports fan, especially when its a major figure, but am I the only one wondering who the hell was this guy? As Will Ferrel said in Old School: "Its not your fault man Blue was old, thats what old people do...they die!" Im not insensitive but couldnt you do something during Monday Night Countdown or during halftime (oh wait the mourning was the ENTIRE half time show) Except more fitting for the mood I was in at the half! I am sorry but right before the best game of the year is the wrong time to mourn an old mans heart attack. Call me classless but I feel I speak on behalf of the country. There are enough deaths a day in this world to run a  mini-feed under the sports scores on ESPN but you dont see people calling for that! Once it hits 8:30PM the only concern people who are tuning in have is what are the 2 teams gonig through as they walk out the tunnel and will the Patriots cheerleaders be in full winter garb or will they man up and do their jobs the way its supposed to be done (they were so well covered, my friends commented on how they look like girls from the 8AM YU Shuttle (ed. note: NOT the shame girls the ones who live in the heights)

Funny how ESPN radio said yesterday if Jets lose there is no way they can win the superbowl while playing 3 road games in the playoffs. Funny part: They almost did it last year and at the time this was said, Jets were

5-0 on the road and 4-2 at home so tell me why being on the road is an impossible journey for the Jets?!

Mark Sanchez takes blame....sorta!

Mark "Please dont call me Matt Leinart" Sanchez, was asked about this atrocious interception from inside the red zone

Sanchez said he got the original LB to bite on the playfake but Spikes made a great play to stop what would've been an open Braylon Edwards. This pisses me off! You are the god damn QB of the New York Jets. We have seen absolute crap over the last 10 years as fans; Testes, Softee Chad, Ray Lucas, Fiedler, Quincy "affirmative action" carter, clemens, should've retired favre (not to be confused with 1996 favre) so if there is one thing we know, it is crappy passes when we see it....this was a crappy pass! Even when Eli Manning throws a left handed toss from the 5 yard line into the hands of a LB he says "My bad I am a moron" Heres where Mark Sanchez is awfully wrong:

• Edwards had 3 men so much on top of him it was almost not allowed to be shown on TV due to pornographic material. Seriously, that coverage looked more gay then a guy putting up a Facebook status about that amazing Glee episode last night with an lol after. Ive watched the replay (pause a :03 mark to get a picture of 3 players on edwards in the endzone) and there is no way that even Brady with a 3 man Jets pass rush cant thread that needle. 
• Who the hell does sanchez think he got to bite on the playfake? Eric Barton sniffed out that play like Tony Montana in Scarface. I bet Spikes was thinking "holy crap he threw the ball to me" as it landed ever so gently into his hands. If only sanchez was that accurate to his own WR this wouldve been a different ballgame.  
• If you watch the replay again but now have in mind what the play would've looked like HAD THE JETS RUN THE BALL, you see a pretty big running lane with pretty much just Takeo Spikes left alone to stop LT from reaching paydirt. Its like the Pats knew pass was coming...does Belicheck have the now fired Josh Mcdaniels filming  on the sideline again.

          SPYGATE 2 coming soon...cuz everything needs a sequel!


Read about what pissed me off monday night in the next post!

Rex Ryan Loses Weight for Wrong Reason

Maybe it only lost him one pound, but it kinda felt like Rex Ryan through that weighted Red Flag last night simply so he can say he did something productive last night vs. the hated Pats. In 1st quarter of the game, Rex Ryan decided to challenge a meaningless spotting during the first drive. You know you made a bad decision when Steve Weatherford, the only punter in the league who can be known for poor decisions, says "WTF is he doing?!?". So the Jets lose their challenge and a timeout and end up going for it on 4th down and converting anyways. 

Great! Never has converting a 4th down in your own territory, on the road, against your hated rivals felt so freakin annoying! The only thing Jets fans were thinking was "That is for sure gonna come back to bite us in the ass!" And it did!

Later in the game, Brady threw a pass to the left side of the endzone where the WR, Bradon Tate, appeared to get one foot and a fingernail inbounds. After the refs consulted each other where one asked the other if he saw anything and he said Hell no but Brady has a freakin hot wife and rather not piss off these fans (unconfirmed report), so they awarded the TD. Take a pause to analyze what the commentators ere doing during this time...

One was saying how Ryan should definitely challenge the call because it appears his other foot didn't come down which everyone else at home already knows an elbow counts too. But then he corrects himself and says "But you can have a forearm or elbow down too and it counts" Thanks for showing off your ability to correct yourself on common knowledge you tool! I feel like these guys are paid to make mistakes and then correct it as if it were the fans fault and guys like Chris Collinsworth is our savior! After much back and forth, and majorly wasting airtime, they decide it was best Rex didn't challenge because it was too close to tell. Thanks for nothing!

Heres a video of the TD...

Look for more analysis of Jets-Pats game on homepage!

Welcome to the Ugly Side of Sports

Stuart Scott- ESPN Douche

When self-proclaimed experts give their opinion that makes no sense, it is important to rip on them...no matter how ugly they are!

Enjoy these posts and please feel free to add any comments!